Guess who can...

...WALK! I totally bribed him to get this on video. I put him down, ran across the room, whipped out the iPhone and said, "Do you want the phone, Lion? You can have it if you walk to me!" Not that I think he understood. But it did work, didn't it.

Shut 'er down!

The blog has been a little heavy on politics lately, but it's been a huge factor in my life. Don't get me wrong, it's impossible to avoid altogether in DC, but it rarely intrudes upon my non-work life and choices. Today, however, could be the last day I'm at work for a while. On the financial front, any shut down would be hard. A long one could be disastrous.

I am looking forward to extra time with the kids, though. Maybe it will even make a transition to a new nanny easier.

It's funny to see people outside DC start paying attention to what's going on in detail. I've had countless conversations with far flung friends about the 24 hour rule, how procedures work in the House, and why this isn't really about the budget any more. If you have questions, throw 'em at me here as well. I can certainly be partisan on certain themes, but on this I think I'm pretty damn objective/analytical.

It'll be interesting to see who gets blamed here. For me, I think it was inevitable. The political parties have so much power, and the climate of 24 hour news focuses on everything as a fight. Every debate is something to be won or lost, and the parties and individual elected officials clearly know that every vote comes with a notch on a belt that their constiuents will be told about repeatedly on FOX, CNN, and MSNBC. What incentive do they have to cooperate and play nicely? Compromise looks like weakness in the press, and you need good press to get re-elected, not to mention have the political capital needed for the next vote.

So we have 536 people who know they'll get ahead by being obstreperous. Duh.

The only question becomes how we change it, and that I just don't know.

Research. Obsessively.

A post at one of my fave Mommy blogs just got my research juices flowing, and I needed to share. I was a psychology major in college, which at the time felt like a huge indulgence. Picking a major because I LIKE it? Shame on me. I should be picking something USEful. So I double majored, and while the Government major probably helped me get jobs and into grad school, the psych has a lot more to do with how I think about policy. A lot more.

Regardless, I'm one of those rare dorky people who actually likes reading published research. I don't mean the executive summaries, people, I mean the 20+ pages in academic journals that detail all of the survey development and sampling methodology that let me decide whether I trust their data for myself.

So when I became a Mom, I started turning this propensity on to researching things for my kids. As I've alluded to before, I had a terrible time breastfeeding and was really incredibly hard on myself about it. If my body couldn't make milk, should I even have been a Mom in the first place? My total devotion to (ok obsession with) this failure landed me straight in post partum depression, until a number of things happened to show me that Monkey needed me to be happy and healthy more than she needed to nurse.

A few good friends smacked me around, verbally speaking, and gave me the strength to figure out that not being able to nurse was not the end of the world. And when I could see a little more clearly, I turned to the research. And you know what? It's not that big a deal! I won't go into it here, 'cause I know it's ridiculously hot button for some people, but it was clear to me that the numbers did not prove any harm would be done to my children by skipping the breastmilk. And the research empowered me to get back to the most important business of caring for my child.

Phew. Didn't mean to go there, actually, but there it is.

Nana na nah. Nana na nah. Hey hey hey...

See ya, Glenn Beck. You won't be missed, although I have a feeling you won't disappear either.

And for those who might read this as a political statement on my part, it isn't. It's more a "DC doesn't need any more irrational partisanship" statement. If there's anything I feel more strongly about that usual as the shut down looms, it's that a propensity to cooperation should a job requirement for public office. Yes, I know he doesn't hold public office (knock on wood), but that sort of fighting for the sake of fighting is seriously un-helpful.

So I say good riddance.

Murphy runs my life

Wikipedia tells me that Murphy's Law means that "Anything that can possibly go wrong, does." I take it a bit farther, because in my life of late it's imbued with some serious irony.

Take today, when it has been nearly certain that the Federal goverment will shut down this Friday at midnght. On one hand, I could use some time off, and since I have no annual leave left, that'll be nice. On the other hand, losing a paycheck for an period of time, and possibly an extended one, is really problematic. It's tax season, people. Bad stuff.

But most folks in the know here in Washington circles don't seem to think we'll be down for very long. Maybe two business days. So, considering that, let's play out the other major life event next week - the departure of our nanny with no replacement. Wednesday is her last day. Starting Thursday we're on our own, and relying on Grandparents (God bless them) or taking time off (refer back to 'I have no leave left' in above paragraph).

Monday: No work, so I can cover childcare. No paycheck. Have nanny; have to pay her. Tuesday: No work; so I can cover childcare. No paycheck. Have nanny; have to pay her.

Wednesday: Same deal as above, depending on how long shut down lasts. No income, only requirement to pay for unneeded service. But wait for it...

Thursday: Work. No nanny; have to lose money to cover childcare.

Friday and for at least several weeks following look the same.

I think the timing is just smashing, don't you? TERR-ific.

I got nothing. Nada.

It's been a long time since I've been this demoralized. We had two great potential nanny replacement candidates. Great. Running background checks (not cheap, btw), checking references, skype interviews, etc. And then one of them emails that she's taken another offer. I thought she loved us! Ugh.

This whole process is SO hard. What is WRONG with us that we can't manage consistent childcare for more than a year!?!? I feel like the only girl at prom not picked to dance. Is there some huge booger on my metaphorical face that everyone can see but me???

[Editor's Note - this week's Grey's Anatomy is bizarre, The singing crap is driving me crazy. And I like musicals, btw. Weird. Icky.]

I have had a knot in the pit of my stomach since I read her email. We have eight days left with a nanny, and then we are officially screwed. I have no leave, and Hubbie could be sacrificing a promotion if he disappears now. Grandparents are willing but not really as physically able as they want to be; as they need to be to chase my Lion around all day.

This is not good, people, not good. Even if the other candidate clears background check, has good references, and accepts our offer, she still can't be here for about a month. I'm not sure we have that much of a safety net. Is this getting too much for a blog? Sorry.

Birthdays

Note to self: Learn to appreciate times when you're special. Monkey appreciated EVERY moment of her birthday to the fullest. I swear she giggled for 24 hours straight, and it was infectious. This is a good lesson in just being plain old happy. Thanks, kiddo.

Happy Birthday, Monkey

I can't believe my Monkey is four. Somehow, four seems to cross the line into official childhood. She's clearly not a baby, toddler hasn't applied well for a while, and preschooler is too combersome. So what label could apply now other than plain old 'kid'?

How do I have a KID? I'm actually having a hard time with this. I nearly teared up giving her "my last hug as a three-year old" last night. Clearly, she is not struggling with this at all. Full steam ahead, Monkey.

My Monkey is everything. She is all the best, purest parts of me, unblemished by life's ups and downs. I am cowed by the responsibility I have been trusted with in this little person, in who she can become. Someone thinks I won't screw this up? Someone thinks I can do this justice? I sincerely hope I am up to the challenge.

Dear Monkey,

Happy Birthday! I hope you know by now that you are endlessly loved. That just thinking of you makes me smile and swell with pride. That you have endless potential, and that it is Daddy's and my job to make sure any path you want to travel is open to you.

You are strong, and sweet, and full of life. Grammy says you glow, and she's right. You wake every morning and greet the day with happy feist. You are turning into a wonderful friend. You understand the value of taking care with people's feelings, and you are a wonderful big sister to Lion. Do you see how his face lights up when you enter the room? That one laugh from you can make him giggle in his sleep? Keep taking care of that bond and you will have a best friend forever.

As you get ready to turn four, you are in full Princess mode. Your birthday party is going to be outside and not especially girly, but you chose Princess plates, and decorations; mostly because you love Beauty and the Beast. You are my ballerina in training, and you hold lots of ballet (and sometimes tap) classes and performances for us. Often we must dance alongside you. You also love to dress up, and you are developing strong opinions about your clothes. We've had a lot of all-one-color outfit days lately. Monday you wore all blue, including socks, shoes, and bow. You tell us your favorite colors are blue and red, but you added pink to the list this week. While you won't eat meat except as chicken nuggets, you love sushi. My little enigma. You don't know you're little, though. Smallest in your class by far, you regularly tell us you're the biggest.

You are very interested in letters, and you can write your name easily. Your letters are getting neater, and you can make them small now if you want to. You know all of the letters and can figure out the beginning and ending sounds of words. You are starting to sound out and guess at the words you see on paper. You are also starting to turn numbers around in your head, and you will count anything. "Mommy - how many arms are in this car? How many toes are in this car?" You and Daddy started a game taking turns with numbers, and you can get all the way to 100! You are also starting to understand adding and taking away numbers, especially since we've been counting down to your birthday for 23 days now!

You are beautiful, inside and out. People stop us and tell us you're gorgeous, stunning, lovely, and I wish they'd stop. It was fine when you were too little to understand, but that is not what I want you to value about yourself. Please don't pay any attention to them. You are also smart and kind and strong.

You love to give hugs, and we love to get them. At night, we decide on our favorite part of the day, and we do our gratefuls to make sure we remember just how lucky we are. Tonight I will tell you that YOU are my grateful. Truth is, you are my grateful every night, because we are just so, so lucky to have you.

I love you, Monkey.

Mommy

I have a book problem.

I'm a pretty voracious reader, but when you have two kids under two and a more than full time job, you don't get them time to read that you used to. I used to go through a book or two a week, and reading is a big part of my preferred bedtime routine. These days, though, I get to read maybe once or twice a week.

Hasn't slowed down my rate of acquisition, though. I just grabbed another three books online Friday, and soon they'll arrive to be added to the nightstand pile. It's dominated by books about kids, discipline, and parenting, with a few just for fun fiction books in between. Since the age-oriented parenting books currently dominate my stack, I figure I'll run those down first.

I had a whole slew of pregnancy books. Totally loved Great Expectations (no, not Dickens); totally despised What to Expect When You're Expecting. I've never had a book make me feel so badly about myself so fast; and every time it freaked me out enough to consult my OB, the doctor told me to chill. So I got rid of it. But Great Expectations was really helpful in understanding what was going on with my body and still treating me like a grown-up.

I never really got into a steady relationship with an infant book that tracked milestones. The good ones try hard to caveat every milestone to make sure you don't freak out when your baby seems behind the curve, and I appreciated that. Honestly, the most helpful thing for me at this phase was Gymboree. The teachers there were amazing at tailoring the classes to each child, and I swear Miss Erika is at least partially responsible for pulling me out of PPD by showing me I wasn't a total failure as a mother. The Baby Center weekly email updates were good, too.

In general, though, I thought Happiest Baby on the Block was helpful. Even though an asthmatic could have blown their 'scientific evidence' apart, the ideas themselves still worked, particularly for calming my newborns. I hear the DVD is good, too, but I instinctively devalue any book made into a movie. :)

What has really resonated for me since then is the "Your x Year-Old" series. So far my favorite is "Your Three-Year Old, Friend or Enemy?" Totally dead on description of Monkey at three, especially the fact that three-year olds push back on their Moms more than anyone else, and that it's hard (!) to not lose ground in the relationship by responding to them. The authors totally admitted they had no advice for stopping it, and suggested that you consider cutting your losses and just having someone else look after the child while that behavior continued. Awesome. No, seriously. I love these books.

They're relatively short, and written in this sort of antiquated, lovely language that reminds me of an old, British country pediatrician. ('Cause I've known a lot of those, right?) But they're frank, and do a good job of explaining why certain behaviors are taking root and offering real suggestions about what to do about it. I'm tempted to buy one for every year of age, just to have them on hand. I definitely read them in advance to know what's coming, too.

My latest purchases have been discipline related, but I'm sorry to say I haven't actually read them. I did manage to skim relevant sections of 1-2-3 Magic on the advice of friends, and it seems like it would be sound if I could get it implemented. Working on that, I promise.

Deep thought for the day.

Motherhood... is looking down and realizing that there is a big spot of something on your sweater, and not even being embarrassed. It is also quickly considering putting your jacket on to cover it, but giving up when because there is an even bigger spot on that. It is also not even bothering to tell yourself you'll take them to the dry cleaners, because you well know that just isn't going to happen.