Day 23 - Who's your celebrity look-alike?
I've been told Gillian Anderson (you know, the X-Files chick) and Mena Suvari. Neither of them really resonate with me, but I guess I can see bits and pieces.
That's it. Not very exciting, I know.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
My least favorite thing in the world...
...is looking for childcare.
I haven't mentioned anything about this before, because it's really not a very fun topic. But a huge part of why I've been bad about posting lately is that my time has been suddenly and unexpectedly consumed with a new childcare search. Our beloved nanny, who I had fantasies of keeping for years on end, is leaving us. Really, really early. I won't go into why, but all that matters is that she feels pulled elsewhere. Not only do I want to respect that, I also don't want someone caring for my children who doesn't want to be there.
Anyway, there it is, about two weeks later. Maybe I was still in denial until recently? But I started blogging to get these things out in a coherent way and thus maybe allow me to better sort through my thoughts. While I'm sad she's going and frustrated that I have to spend so much time - so soon - on another blasted nanny hunt, I'm most worried about the kids. She's the only person besides family that has ever cared for Lion. And Monkey is very attached to her and routinely lists her as part of our family. So I'm really stressed about finding the right way and time to tell Monkey about this.
Not to mention finding the right person. I'm not only looking for all the traits that I think make a good caregiver, I'm not obsessively trying to gauge how sincere someone is about their willingness to make a longer commitment and how well they really understand what they're getting into as a full-time, live-in nanny. It doesn't help that the first good interview we had turned out to be telling me everything I wanted to hear - which I learned after being alerted she had a drug problem and had stolen from her last family. So now I'm totally second guessing my own instincts.
This whole thing bumps up against all of my insecurities about being a working Mom.
This is three hires in a year and a half - a part-time nanny for a few months before Lion was born, a hire who never ended up coming because of a last minute personal crisis, and our current nanny. I'm exhausted. And losing faith in whether we'll ever be able to find someone that will give the kids the love and stability they deserve.
I haven't mentioned anything about this before, because it's really not a very fun topic. But a huge part of why I've been bad about posting lately is that my time has been suddenly and unexpectedly consumed with a new childcare search. Our beloved nanny, who I had fantasies of keeping for years on end, is leaving us. Really, really early. I won't go into why, but all that matters is that she feels pulled elsewhere. Not only do I want to respect that, I also don't want someone caring for my children who doesn't want to be there.
Anyway, there it is, about two weeks later. Maybe I was still in denial until recently? But I started blogging to get these things out in a coherent way and thus maybe allow me to better sort through my thoughts. While I'm sad she's going and frustrated that I have to spend so much time - so soon - on another blasted nanny hunt, I'm most worried about the kids. She's the only person besides family that has ever cared for Lion. And Monkey is very attached to her and routinely lists her as part of our family. So I'm really stressed about finding the right way and time to tell Monkey about this.
Not to mention finding the right person. I'm not only looking for all the traits that I think make a good caregiver, I'm not obsessively trying to gauge how sincere someone is about their willingness to make a longer commitment and how well they really understand what they're getting into as a full-time, live-in nanny. It doesn't help that the first good interview we had turned out to be telling me everything I wanted to hear - which I learned after being alerted she had a drug problem and had stolen from her last family. So now I'm totally second guessing my own instincts.
This whole thing bumps up against all of my insecurities about being a working Mom.
This is three hires in a year and a half - a part-time nanny for a few months before Lion was born, a hire who never ended up coming because of a last minute personal crisis, and our current nanny. I'm exhausted. And losing faith in whether we'll ever be able to find someone that will give the kids the love and stability they deserve.
Blog Challenge - Day 22.
Day 22. What did you do today?
Ha. This is easy compared to other topics this challenge has been throwing at me.
I got up after only two hits of the snooze button. Took a shower and did hair and makeup, all while Lion was starting to make his sweet baby noises in his room. Come get me, please? Drank in the thuds of everything in his crib hitting the ground one-by-one, each followed by a soft little, "Oh-oh."
Checked the blackberry calendar to see if I needed to wear a suit today. Yup. Blech.
Opened the door to Monkey's room so she knew she could get up when she felt like it. The luxury of spring break and not having to rouse her from lazing in bed. Got dressed. Received Miss Sleepyhead as she stumbled out of her room and declared she wanted to get dressed. And that she would be pretending to do ballet today, so she needed a skirt. Got her dressed. Finally responded to Lion's ever more insistent noises and headed downstairs with the both of them. Trailed Monkey to the basement to snag a tutu from the dress-up chest. Convinced her it was okay for our nanny to pour her cereal while I packed up to go. Started coffee.
Stalled. Gave multiple rounds of kisses and I Love You's. Tried to convince Hubby to give me a ride so I didn't have to pay for parking today. Failed.
Retrieved coffee, phone, and blackberry. Gave another few rounds of kisses, and finally left the house. Drove to work.
And that's really the end of the day, at least until I get home tonight. You don't care what happens in between, 'cause it's not the important part.
Ha. This is easy compared to other topics this challenge has been throwing at me.
I got up after only two hits of the snooze button. Took a shower and did hair and makeup, all while Lion was starting to make his sweet baby noises in his room. Come get me, please? Drank in the thuds of everything in his crib hitting the ground one-by-one, each followed by a soft little, "Oh-oh."
Checked the blackberry calendar to see if I needed to wear a suit today. Yup. Blech.
Opened the door to Monkey's room so she knew she could get up when she felt like it. The luxury of spring break and not having to rouse her from lazing in bed. Got dressed. Received Miss Sleepyhead as she stumbled out of her room and declared she wanted to get dressed. And that she would be pretending to do ballet today, so she needed a skirt. Got her dressed. Finally responded to Lion's ever more insistent noises and headed downstairs with the both of them. Trailed Monkey to the basement to snag a tutu from the dress-up chest. Convinced her it was okay for our nanny to pour her cereal while I packed up to go. Started coffee.
Stalled. Gave multiple rounds of kisses and I Love You's. Tried to convince Hubby to give me a ride so I didn't have to pay for parking today. Failed.
Retrieved coffee, phone, and blackberry. Gave another few rounds of kisses, and finally left the house. Drove to work.
And that's really the end of the day, at least until I get home tonight. You don't care what happens in between, 'cause it's not the important part.
Blog Challenge - Day 18 on 22.
Day 18. If you could, what would you tell yourself before you had your baby?
It'll be OK. It's going to be harder than you think - a lot - but it will be OK. You're an idiot for thinking that babysitting prepared you for this, by the way. Anyone who thinks they are prepared for their first child is wrong. And seriously naive.
There is no lightning flash of love that strikes you the moment that baby is out in this world. You will be tired and hormonal and just want everyone to leave you alone. You probably won't feel very bonded right away, and that does not make you a bad person or parent. Your body will just have done an amazing thing and it deserves credit and rest. You won't be able to breastfeed, and it isn't your fault. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It doesn't mean you weren't meant to do this.
On other ways, too, things won't go as you envisioned when you were younger. You won't make all the same choices you planned; some because you're wiser, and some because life doesn't always work out that way. That's OK, because, well, it has to be. What's the alternative, really?
You will never be the same, but you will be better. You will be tested in ways you never imagined, and you won't always succeed, and it will be fine. Because your kids need to know that it is OK to fail, as long as you get back on your feet and try again. It's also OK to take care of yourself. Call your friends. One of them will tell you that a happy Mommy makes a happy baby, and those are some really important words. Reach out for help when you need it. You cannot; will not do this alone, and it is vain and proud to try.
It'll be OK. It's going to be harder than you think - a lot - but it will be OK. You're an idiot for thinking that babysitting prepared you for this, by the way. Anyone who thinks they are prepared for their first child is wrong. And seriously naive.
There is no lightning flash of love that strikes you the moment that baby is out in this world. You will be tired and hormonal and just want everyone to leave you alone. You probably won't feel very bonded right away, and that does not make you a bad person or parent. Your body will just have done an amazing thing and it deserves credit and rest. You won't be able to breastfeed, and it isn't your fault. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It doesn't mean you weren't meant to do this.
On other ways, too, things won't go as you envisioned when you were younger. You won't make all the same choices you planned; some because you're wiser, and some because life doesn't always work out that way. That's OK, because, well, it has to be. What's the alternative, really?
You will never be the same, but you will be better. You will be tested in ways you never imagined, and you won't always succeed, and it will be fine. Because your kids need to know that it is OK to fail, as long as you get back on your feet and try again. It's also OK to take care of yourself. Call your friends. One of them will tell you that a happy Mommy makes a happy baby, and those are some really important words. Reach out for help when you need it. You cannot; will not do this alone, and it is vain and proud to try.
Blog Challenge - Day 15.
Day 15. What do you wish for?
This is easy. I wish for financial flexibility. Not money, by the way. That's very, very different. I don't need to be rich, but I have really struggled with times when I feel like I cannot give the kids something that I feel is right or best for them because of financial reasons. As I think I've mentioned before, I always wanted three kids. I'm the oldest of three, and we're all so different. I simply cannot imagine my life without the youngest, and feel the same way about my own kids. Monkey and Lion are amazing and all-consuming - both emotionally and literally - but I still feel like someone's missing. When we're all snuggling in bed together on weekend mornings, I just feel deep down like there is another little someone who should be there. I don't in any way mean my kids are not enough, but I just don't feel complete right now.
Problem is, children are (duh!) expensive. Especially when you consider how much Hubbie and I care about private schools. We live where we both grew up, and we went to private schools that we are still in awe of and involved with today, and it would be so hard to not give our kids that same experience that is so beloved to us. Whatever you personally think about private vs. public, private is what we know and love, and as a parent that goes a long way, not only to immediate comfort but to knowing how to successfully impact and maneuver your environment to your child's best interest.
It's clear that two kids in private school is going to be really hard, and I know, rationally, that three is all but impossible. And since I refuse to treat one differently than the other, three basically would mean NONE of them would get that experience. So maybe it's selfish of me to want to satisfy my own yearning for a third when it effectively deprives the first two of these amazing places.
The other thing is that I am really overwhelmed right now. I still maintain that the move from no kids to 1 is much harder than from 1 to 2, but 2 has at times exceeded my capacity. It's getting better as Lion gets older, but we've had some really tough times. I've had post partum depression episodes with both kids, and child care arrangements are continuing to be the bane of my existence. (More about that later.) For the first time last week, I found myself wondering if, money notwithstanding, we could handle a third child. I'm sure we couldn't right now. In a year or two? But while I'm not as old as mnay Moms I know, I'm also officially in the high risk pregnancy category of late.
If I could throw more money at a nanny, maybe we could keep one for a really, really long time and minimize the trauma of transitions. Or move to a closer neighborhood that cut time off a commute and increased our time together. Or work part time. Or, frankly, take the pay cut that is implicit in moving back to the work that I love love love or just to a new job with more flexibility, even if it was still full-time. In any case, I know that with a little more income these issues would stop being issues, and it would be about what we want for our family and what is best for the kids. And that's what it should be about; period.
This is easy. I wish for financial flexibility. Not money, by the way. That's very, very different. I don't need to be rich, but I have really struggled with times when I feel like I cannot give the kids something that I feel is right or best for them because of financial reasons. As I think I've mentioned before, I always wanted three kids. I'm the oldest of three, and we're all so different. I simply cannot imagine my life without the youngest, and feel the same way about my own kids. Monkey and Lion are amazing and all-consuming - both emotionally and literally - but I still feel like someone's missing. When we're all snuggling in bed together on weekend mornings, I just feel deep down like there is another little someone who should be there. I don't in any way mean my kids are not enough, but I just don't feel complete right now.
Problem is, children are (duh!) expensive. Especially when you consider how much Hubbie and I care about private schools. We live where we both grew up, and we went to private schools that we are still in awe of and involved with today, and it would be so hard to not give our kids that same experience that is so beloved to us. Whatever you personally think about private vs. public, private is what we know and love, and as a parent that goes a long way, not only to immediate comfort but to knowing how to successfully impact and maneuver your environment to your child's best interest.
It's clear that two kids in private school is going to be really hard, and I know, rationally, that three is all but impossible. And since I refuse to treat one differently than the other, three basically would mean NONE of them would get that experience. So maybe it's selfish of me to want to satisfy my own yearning for a third when it effectively deprives the first two of these amazing places.
The other thing is that I am really overwhelmed right now. I still maintain that the move from no kids to 1 is much harder than from 1 to 2, but 2 has at times exceeded my capacity. It's getting better as Lion gets older, but we've had some really tough times. I've had post partum depression episodes with both kids, and child care arrangements are continuing to be the bane of my existence. (More about that later.) For the first time last week, I found myself wondering if, money notwithstanding, we could handle a third child. I'm sure we couldn't right now. In a year or two? But while I'm not as old as mnay Moms I know, I'm also officially in the high risk pregnancy category of late.
If I could throw more money at a nanny, maybe we could keep one for a really, really long time and minimize the trauma of transitions. Or move to a closer neighborhood that cut time off a commute and increased our time together. Or work part time. Or, frankly, take the pay cut that is implicit in moving back to the work that I love love love or just to a new job with more flexibility, even if it was still full-time. In any case, I know that with a little more income these issues would stop being issues, and it would be about what we want for our family and what is best for the kids. And that's what it should be about; period.
Blog challenge - the make-up issue!
Looks like I've failed the blog challenge, but I've still gotten out of it what I hoped to. I found great things to write about, and I got myself into enough of a routine that I started feeling the need to write here whenever something really struck me.
But in an honest-to-goodness attempt to complete this (please see Challenge Day 9, when I describe how anal I am about fulfilling commitments, even when they impact almost no one), here are the topics I've missed:
Day 14. Style 31. Post an outfit pic!
Day 15. What do you wish for?
Day 16. How old was baby when he started sleeping through the night and how did you do this?
Day 17. Write about 3 things that make you happy.
Day 18. If you could, what would you tell yourself before you had your baby?
Day 19. Write about your significant other.
Day 20. Write about your job and why you love it or hate it.
Day 21. Write about your most vivid childhood memory. Post a picture of you taken over ten years ago.
Day 22. What did you do today?
I'm going to tackle Days 15, 17, and 22, because I like them. And no one else is telling me what to do, and darn it, I get to choose without considering anyone else's needs. And really, for a Mom, that's a rare, rare thing. So there.
But in an honest-to-goodness attempt to complete this (please see Challenge Day 9, when I describe how anal I am about fulfilling commitments, even when they impact almost no one), here are the topics I've missed:
Day 14. Style 31. Post an outfit pic!
Day 15. What do you wish for?
Day 16. How old was baby when he started sleeping through the night and how did you do this?
Day 17. Write about 3 things that make you happy.
Day 18. If you could, what would you tell yourself before you had your baby?
Day 19. Write about your significant other.
Day 20. Write about your job and why you love it or hate it.
Day 21. Write about your most vivid childhood memory. Post a picture of you taken over ten years ago.
Day 22. What did you do today?
I'm going to tackle Days 15, 17, and 22, because I like them. And no one else is telling me what to do, and darn it, I get to choose without considering anyone else's needs. And really, for a Mom, that's a rare, rare thing. So there.
Monday, March 14, 2011
The Wonder of a Weekend.
Our friends with older toddlers (older than Lion, that is), talk about having hit the 'sweet spot.' You know, that place where routine reigns over chaos, your head is generally screwed on straight, and everyone sleeps through the night? And where your youngest kid is old enough to actually DO things and take places.
I think we're getting there. It's not official, but we actually had a real, live, fun weekend. We went out (gasp) Saturday night to another couple's joint birthday party (cute idea!) and had fun, even though we did get stuck for a while sitting with some of the most amazingly pretentious people I've ever met. Seriously - who knew those people really existed outside of sitcoms?!
Regardless, we had fun. Even did some pleasant networking (as if such a thing existed!). Then, on Sunday, we went to another family's house and watched basketball. (Oh, and my team won. Woot!) Monkey and her buddy played together the entire time without a peep, and Lion explored the new space without actually damaging anything. Amazing.
It was fabulous, but now it's over. But gives me lasting hope for the future. Lots to look forward to. Yay for getting weekends back!
I think we're getting there. It's not official, but we actually had a real, live, fun weekend. We went out (gasp) Saturday night to another couple's joint birthday party (cute idea!) and had fun, even though we did get stuck for a while sitting with some of the most amazingly pretentious people I've ever met. Seriously - who knew those people really existed outside of sitcoms?!
Regardless, we had fun. Even did some pleasant networking (as if such a thing existed!). Then, on Sunday, we went to another family's house and watched basketball. (Oh, and my team won. Woot!) Monkey and her buddy played together the entire time without a peep, and Lion explored the new space without actually damaging anything. Amazing.
It was fabulous, but now it's over. But gives me lasting hope for the future. Lots to look forward to. Yay for getting weekends back!
Friday, March 11, 2011
Nononono more blog challenge.
So, I think the blog challenge served it's purpose, just more quickly than expected. I'm still going to do it, at least for a while, but I'm not going to try to make up the upcoming weekend posts. Here are the three topics for today, Saturday, and Sunday. I'm choosing one, and calling a skip on the other two.
Day 11. Post a recipe. Or if you don't cook, try a new recipe and write about how it turned out (pictures please!).
Day 12. Write about what wears you out as a woman.
Day 13. A YouTube video.
Day 13 wins, if only because I have an awesome video to share. iPhone, not YouTube. It's my Monkey, in one of the cutest moments ever, and definitely ever captured on video. Apparently the music moved her. I actually have about five videos of this, since she kept right on dancing and ultimately dance-paraded around most of the store. Yes, around the super-sized wine and beer store. My then-two year old. We're good parents, I swear.
Day 11. Post a recipe. Or if you don't cook, try a new recipe and write about how it turned out (pictures please!).
Day 12. Write about what wears you out as a woman.
Day 13. A YouTube video.
Day 13 wins, if only because I have an awesome video to share. iPhone, not YouTube. It's my Monkey, in one of the cutest moments ever, and definitely ever captured on video. Apparently the music moved her. I actually have about five videos of this, since she kept right on dancing and ultimately dance-paraded around most of the store. Yes, around the super-sized wine and beer store. My then-two year old. We're good parents, I swear.
Is that not the cutest thing you've ever seen? It's been over a year and I still giggle/well up over it.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Blog Challenge - Day 10.
Day 10. What are some of your favorite products, and what foundation/powder do you wear?
This post is sort of a throw away for me. Although I wear makeup everyday and feel sort of naked without it, I don't feel like I have any expertise to share. I sort of wing it, and I change products all the time. Right now I'm using a Revlon undereye concealer, either Trish McEvoy or Maybelline nude shadow, and some drug store brand mascara (it's purple!). There are three products I like enough to know I'll buy them again:
1. DiorSkin by Christian Dior. Don't even know what I'd call it - some sort of tone evening cream, but nowhere near foundation. Totally the highest end makeup product I've ever bought, but worth it.
2. MakeUp Forever eye makeup remover. LOVE it. No alcohol and so non-greasy I could put new makeup on the second I finish using it.
3. Bobbi Brown gel eyeliner. It still smears some, but it's by far the best I've found. Also use their applicator brush. I would adore any recommendations for a liner you can use on the LOWER lid that doesn't smear by the end of the day
Ta-da. That's it. My full font of wisdom. Not much, I know. I am, however, looking forward to reading OTHER people's challenge posts on the topic. :)
This post is sort of a throw away for me. Although I wear makeup everyday and feel sort of naked without it, I don't feel like I have any expertise to share. I sort of wing it, and I change products all the time. Right now I'm using a Revlon undereye concealer, either Trish McEvoy or Maybelline nude shadow, and some drug store brand mascara (it's purple!). There are three products I like enough to know I'll buy them again:
1. DiorSkin by Christian Dior. Don't even know what I'd call it - some sort of tone evening cream, but nowhere near foundation. Totally the highest end makeup product I've ever bought, but worth it.
2. MakeUp Forever eye makeup remover. LOVE it. No alcohol and so non-greasy I could put new makeup on the second I finish using it.
3. Bobbi Brown gel eyeliner. It still smears some, but it's by far the best I've found. Also use their applicator brush. I would adore any recommendations for a liner you can use on the LOWER lid that doesn't smear by the end of the day
Ta-da. That's it. My full font of wisdom. Not much, I know. I am, however, looking forward to reading OTHER people's challenge posts on the topic. :)
Falling off the wagon.
I think I'm falling... jumping?... off the blog challenge wagon. I did it because I loved the ideas of what to write about, and liked the structure I though it would impose. Yes, structure. I've already told you I'm boring. But I don't have time to write about anything else, and of course (of course!) I'm suddenly full of things I want to write about. So maybe the challenge has served it's purpose already?
But really, I hate not finishing something I've started. Makes me feel like a bad egg. A quitter. so I'm arguing with myself. If you can't finish a blog challenge what CAN you commit to?
You'll see what I decide.
In the meantime, my winter routine continues apace. Kid gets sick, kid gets medicine. Kid starts to feel better, someone else gets sick. We've been there nearly constantly since November. I think it started the day before Thanksgiving, actually. Got a new presciption for Monkey yesterday - she has an ear infection. Since Lion had a double last week, I know where it came from. Although it marks the first time he gave something to his sister and not the other way around. Way to go, Lion! I love milestones.
On the up-side, I think we found a new primary doc at the pediatrician's. I've been jumping around to find someone else there since deciding I couldn't depend on the current one. But the woman yesterday was AWEsome. She's new to the practice, so pretty easy to get appointments with, and she was SO good with Monkey. My big girl did the whole exam by herself; followed all the instructions, didn't flinch at a thing. Giggled tons, which is impressive considering how uncomfortable she was. Huge relief to me to have someone I know I can ask for at appointment time. Yay!
But really, I hate not finishing something I've started. Makes me feel like a bad egg. A quitter. so I'm arguing with myself. If you can't finish a blog challenge what CAN you commit to?
You'll see what I decide.
In the meantime, my winter routine continues apace. Kid gets sick, kid gets medicine. Kid starts to feel better, someone else gets sick. We've been there nearly constantly since November. I think it started the day before Thanksgiving, actually. Got a new presciption for Monkey yesterday - she has an ear infection. Since Lion had a double last week, I know where it came from. Although it marks the first time he gave something to his sister and not the other way around. Way to go, Lion! I love milestones.
On the up-side, I think we found a new primary doc at the pediatrician's. I've been jumping around to find someone else there since deciding I couldn't depend on the current one. But the woman yesterday was AWEsome. She's new to the practice, so pretty easy to get appointments with, and she was SO good with Monkey. My big girl did the whole exam by herself; followed all the instructions, didn't flinch at a thing. Giggled tons, which is impressive considering how uncomfortable she was. Huge relief to me to have someone I know I can ask for at appointment time. Yay!
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